I realized that living with a straight male best friend has provided me with a unique opportunity. One of my best friends Rob just moved to Dallas, and given our similar outlooks on things that make roommates successful (tidiness, sleeping/waking hours, career aspirations, the correct ratio of margarita mix to tequila), we decided to live in a 2BR/2BA to save money.
It was not until #Lashpocalypse2017 that I realized what a gift I have been given in my platonic, straight male roomie.
Hence I give you a new series: Stuff Men Notice.
The premise is simple. I’m going to record all the stuff Rob does (or doesn’t) notice about my appearance; stuff most of us lady folk stress over with the men we’re trying to trick into loving us.
And because Rob and I are close friends, I know he'll say whatever he's actually thinking about the way I look, no holds barred, because he's not afraid of hurting my feelings (see below for prime example).
I should acknowledge here that gay men definitely notice more than straight men. I’ve had gay men compliment me on obscure aspects of my appearance with words that I’m pretty sure straight men don’t know can be applied to one’s fashion or beauty—like that white nail polish is “fun” or that a top can “lend a lot of movement.”
I’ve only got three for you today, but I think they’re both worth mentioning.
I’m almost certain that, had I not told Rob that I had gotten the extensions off and been reduced to my stubby, frizzy natural lash line, he wouldn’t have noticed.
He did, however, reassure me as I cried over them that the extensions were starting to look “fake” and I was better off this way, but overall, he never commented again on my eyelashes (except one day where he said, “Hey, they’re looking good!”). Thanks, Rob.
The point is, I don’t think he would’ve noticed had I not made such a humongous, dramatic deal out of it.
This one surprised me.
I got home from my trip to Baltimore and hadn’t washed my hair in three days (I was busy, sue me). I also conveniently forgot my hairbrush for my day trip, so when I arrived home, it also hadn’t been brushed. I think some of the messiness concealed how greasy it was, and as I talked to him about the trip, I got my hairbrush and began brushing through it.
(Sidebar: Does anyone else feel a sense of bizarre pride over going an absurd amount of time without washing? It’s naughty and I like it.)
Upon seeing me brush through the grease trap, Rob goes, “Wow, your hair is really oily,” extremely matter-of-factly.
I explained my lack of hair brush and general resistance to hotel shampoo/conditioners.
“Yeah, I bet if I held a lighter up to that thing, it’d combust,” he added, before walking into his room.
So evidently men DO notice greasy hair.
Weird laundry details
Rob and I went to get drinks last night at this speak-easy in Deep Ellum and he pointed out a girl to me who was wearing a romper. Rob noted you could "tell she thought she was hot" (interesting), but that her romper had a "lot of creases all over it" (read: wrinkles) and he thought, "Wow, that girl probably throws her clothes everywhere; she's probably a mess."
Interesting. Iron your clothes, ladies.
I’m most excited to see whether or not he notices haircuts, highlights, manicures, etc., and if there are any bizarre things he notices that I typically wouldn't think twice about. Stay tuned for more Stuff Men Notice!
All things beauty.
The fine print: